BLACK CrUMbs - Tumult Lickers
So this is odd. Black Cum has always had this weirdo/intentionally awful sort of vibe. This is basically electro-acoustical noise from Black CrUMbs, which I assume is Black Cum changing their name and doing something more abstract. It's not very good and maybe it's because I'm in a weird mood today but I am just not feeling it. I was sorta hoping for songs about eating babies and nazi dance parties but I didn't get it. I guess that's kinda shitty of me. You people aren't my monkeys and I guess i do appreciate that Black Cum is doing something new, in fact, the world is probably a better place with fewer songs about eating babies and nazis so I guess this is actually a victory. I should listen again. Tumult Lickers starts out with basically mellow guitar stuff. Acoustic guitar playing these spacey 90's sort of sounding Alice in Chains parts with a electric guitar beneath it adding little wah-infused licks and drones. There is also some field recordings that come in and offer some texture. Later you get these strange almost King Missile kinda of jams. I kinda like it. It's very different from what I was expecting. I admit I didn't listen to the entire tape but what I heard was pretty cool.
So this is odd. Black Cum has always had this weirdo/intentionally awful sort of vibe. This is basically electro-acoustical noise from Black CrUMbs, which I assume is Black Cum changing their name and doing something more abstract. It's not very good and maybe it's because I'm in a weird mood today but I am just not feeling it. I was sorta hoping for songs about eating babies and nazi dance parties but I didn't get it. I guess that's kinda shitty of me. You people aren't my monkeys and I guess i do appreciate that Black Cum is doing something new, in fact, the world is probably a better place with fewer songs about eating babies and nazis so I guess this is actually a victory. I should listen again. Tumult Lickers starts out with basically mellow guitar stuff. Acoustic guitar playing these spacey 90's sort of sounding Alice in Chains parts with a electric guitar beneath it adding little wah-infused licks and drones. There is also some field recordings that come in and offer some texture. Later you get these strange almost King Missile kinda of jams. I kinda like it. It's very different from what I was expecting. I admit I didn't listen to the entire tape but what I heard was pretty cool.
The packaging and layout are awful. I can't tell if there is a label that put this out the bands each get a side but on the Black Cum—or Black CrUMbs—side all of the songs are listed. It's just makes no real sense and is bad design. There is a rubber cockroach inside though and that was fun. -DEAD FORMATS
THE RETURN OF BLACK JESUS
"I'm here to destroy your babies. I hate your children born or unborn and I'm going to kill them. Abortions is for wussies [sic]. If women that want abortions had any balls…" This may be Black Cum's double cassette masterpiece. It's just as horrible sounding as always but the singing and lyrics are on a whole new level. Brand new insanity is reached on the first track of completely nonsense right off the bat in a song about killing children. I swear to god halfway through some pretty descriptive rants about what else an umbilical chord can used for I can hear the guitar star playing The Stooges "I wanna be your dog". The songs that follow are equally as brilliant in it's weirdo primitive anti music terribleness. It's a god damn disaster and you may hate me for enjoying this but I kinda love it. Oh yeah. I almost failed to mention how many songs are on these two cassettes. 59 songs. 59. 59 titles. Let me give you a selection of those: Cop Consentration Camp [sic], We Only Listen to Dubstep (and we like it that way), I have a Dream, Mr. Rodgers Pulled Pork Sandwich, Kill Me So I Can Trip, Scalping the Elderly… and many more. The packaging is awesome and kinda horrible as well. Just like the band. Two tapes sewn into a handmade bag with two spray painted patches and a huge list of song titles and their manifesto. Which might explain Black Cum a little better to you:
Black Cum doesn't write songs.
Black Cum doesn't practice.
Black Cum doesn't do second takes.
Black Cum just gets fucked up, presses record and plays.
Whatever happens, happens.
God bless them. - DEAD FORMATS
Happy Easter Sunday, it's The Return of Black Jesus! This is the kind of bile that I wish people would send my way more often. Black Cummust come from some sort of Midwest hell-hole, because this double album exhibits the kind of "evolved" misanthropy that is only found in the shittiest of places. I bet these guys don't have a lot fans in their hometown. The band's manifesto, as printed in the insert to this lovingly assembled package reads as follows:
BLACK CUM DOESN'T WRITE SONGS.
BLACK CUM DOESN'T PRACTICE
BLACK CUM DOESN'T DO SECOND TAKES
BLACK CUM JUST GETS FUCKED UP,
PRESSES RECORD AND PLAYS.
WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS.
This band has absolutely no sense of song structure: nihilistic talk-singing over poorly recorded guitars and drums is the name of the game through out the span of this album's 59 songs. It works so well, to me at least, because the instruments are "mixed" low, leaving the vocals 100% audible and intelligible. If you can handle Costes, then this'll be a cakewalk. It's a lot more funny than it is truly deeply negative. A heck of a lot of you aren't going to like this one lick, but those who appreciate some hate-vibes will want to listen for sure. I don't know if I'd like to be any of these guys, but I wouldn't mind mailing them a crumpled $3 bill in the mail.
"I'd rather eat human flesh than any other non-human animal!"
Listen to the whole album if you dare - CASSETTE GODS
Black Cum = G.G. Allin + The Germs + cKy
According to the Black Cum “manifesto,” they don’t write songs, practice or do second takes—they just get fucked up, press record and play. I’ll give them props for apparently adhering to these self-imposed rules. This double-cassette release (with a nifty little patch included) is an…interesting listen, but I don’t exactly get the feeling they give too much of a fuck what some old, washed-up hack like me thinks about their releases. The song titles are hilarious, and the cassettes themselves are surprisingly entertaining, although I highly doubt I’ll ever actually listen to them again. It would be somewhat pointless to even attempt to describe their music, but in the interest of an actual review: They pull in elements of shitty punk rock, ghetto blaster-recorded black metal, hardcore, rap and pretty terrible musicianship. More power to you, kids. Hopefully, this is exactly what will be playing when Black Jesus returns. –SLUG MAGAZINE
THE SECOND CUMMING
I am so glad I am on Black Cum's list now. This is another total gem of fucked craziness. You know how when it's just you and the cat in the house and you get excited about something, like the mail showed up or your inlaws canceled, so you start singing a weird song to the cat about how she belongs in a zoo and you hope the zoo catches on fire and the fire burns up all the bad kitties? Or something like that? Well, that weird enthusiasm is what makes up most of Black Cum's song writing. This cassette, unlike the previous one, is mostly all electric guitars, drums and vocals. There is plenty of crazy things yelled into the boombox or two track or whatever they record on. It's actually pretty well done, in a crazy person sort of way. There are 24 tracks on this cassette that have some killer titles. Bomb America!, Kill All Americans, Tellin' Everyone I Know to Burn Down America, Skull-Fuck the Military, Curb Stomp Cops, I Want to Hang Myself and Fucking Die, and of course, Untitled. Everything about the art is hand done (although, I think they got the illustration of the partial birth abortion from somewhere else) but I have to say that the song title list is really well written out. Clear, straight and easy to read. Like they give a shit. It's awesome. -DEAD FORMATS
I found this tape today, in a package sent from Salt Lake City, Utah of all places. After opening the package on the street in front of my apartment, lined with holiday lights and families buying stupid shit and eating expensive, bland food, I discovered that the sender, who had marked themselves as "BC" on the return address, was a band whose name is definitely Black Cum. Their tape, which is titled The Second Cumming, was apparently recorded in "Tucker's barn" and features a black and white fold-out j-card, the cover of which depicts an abortion being performed. Despite the overall theme of anarcho-punk nihilism, there's plenty of sarcastic, gross-out humor and juvenile Anal Cunt-ery to be enjoyed on this. Great song titles too, like "Tellin' Everyone I Know to Burn Down America", "Smother the Pope w/ a Cum Soaked Pillow", "I Want to Hang Myself and Fucking Die" and album stand-out "Every Living Thing on This Planet is Going to Die", only add to their comparison of Anal Cunt. While the band themselves expressed in their brief, information-less note on the inside of the package wrapping that this is an admittedly "shit tape", the cassette is actually pretty well-crafted, both musically and physically. Along with the xeroxed dead-baby cover, the band, while obviously recorded with one mic in a room somewhere, is surprisingly clear. The music, seemingly informed by classic spazzer punk stylings of bands like Napalm Death and Void, is surprisingly nuanced, if not a little trying sometimes. The occasional sampled lead-ins of newscasters talking about terrorism and the like are funny and well-placed. Overall, this band/tape isn't doing anything particularly new or different than any high-school-ish stoner/metalhead/punk bozo bros. They aren't even breaking any rules, to be honest. That's not a discredit; it's obvious that this band is having a pretty killer time making this music and what they're presenting here is some silly, overtly-political fun with dark and disgusting jokes that are easy to giggle over and share with your other stupid friends. I would only recommend this to a certain set and you already know who you are. I could only find this bandcamp. Kill God!
-CASSETTE GODS
BLACK CUM (S/T)
So yeah… This is fucking insane. Really terrible and hard to listen to but at the same time kinda awesome. There is little in the way of music or even noise on this cassette. It sounds like ti was recorded on a small radioshack cassette recorder in a wreck room somewhere.There is lots of badly scream/sung lyrics about killing the president, killing cops, drinking, drugs and what have you. I actually love how they refer to themselves from time to time like "this is what happens when Black Cum gets fucked up on drugs and booze". They do that kind of thing a lot. Not sure if there is any real instruments, maybe acoustic guitar, maybe a tambourine but after that I think I am hearing cardboard boxes, and whatever was in the room at the time of recording. The also spend some time discussing "the album" at the end of the cassette and the results are hilarious. Its pretty nuts. I think this is worth hearing once at least for the line "if you're going to kill a cop, it might as well be a pregnant cop." What the fuck? This stream of consciousness, while being both ignorant and precious at the same time, is ultimately a failure. It is a pretty glorious failure though and I think that is what they are going for. When I got this in the mail the note inside said "Hey Demian, Wondering if you could review this. It's self released & it's just terrible. Thanks. -Black Cum" No problem guys. By the way, awesome name.
-DEAD FORMATS
